Vignettes from Our Quarantine

Scene: The living room.

Characters: Middle and Me

Necessary Background: School is now out for the rest of the year, but the kids are doing online stuff with their teachers for the fourth quarter of the year. Lots of Zoom meetings and time on school-issued Chromebooks. Lots of canceled everything, including the Music in the Park event at a rather sweet-sounding amusement park not too far from us, which the twins were going to attend as part of them being in band/chorus/jazz band. Last week, a refund check came from the school in an envelope addressed to Middle, for the amount of the trip minus the t-shirt costs. They only sent one refund check, but no biggie; I'd only written them one check in the first place to pay for two kids. I decided to run some errands today, including a drive by the bank down the street, and I'd deposit the check.

That's when I discovered that the smart folks at the district had issued the check not in my name but in Middle's. Fantastic. I scrawled a "Pay to the Order of" above my own signature (boy, it's lucky I leave some room) and went to find Middle. (WHY.)

Me: Here, I need you to sign this. They made the check payable to you.

Middle (taking the pen and studying the back of the check): Okay.

She carefully signed her first name in the spot I indicated, then paused for a good five seconds.

Me (prompting): Last-name.

Middle: I forgot my last name. Oh, that's delicious.

This kid.

We are not bored.

*     *     *

Scene: Kitchen

Characters: Youngest, Me, Kala, and Waffle

Necessary Background: There is a Zoom meeting going on for both Youngest and Middle, with their band teacher. Middle has moved into the dining room so she and Kimo can both attend the meeting, because Mrs. Band Teacher and her dog are hosting.

Youngest: Kitten, you're such a hawtie.

Me (messaging Waffle): Youngest just announced, "Kitten, you're such a hawtie." I think I should be scared.

Waffle (messaging back): Yes. Ask her what she thinks that means. Results promise to be hilarious.

Several minutes go by before I'm able to do just that. Results are, unfortunately, a bit of a letdown.

Me: You called Kala a hawtie. What did you mean by that?

I guess I asked it wrong.

Youngest: I don't know. She's just adorable.

She pointed to the chair under the homework desk in the kitchen, where Kala was curled up, the only one of our cats tiny enough to do so.

Youngest: See?

Me: She's definitely cute, but I don't think she's hawt.

*     *     *

Scene: Dining Room

Characters: Middle, Kimo, and Me (and Youngest, sort of)

Necessary Background: Previously mentioned Zoom meeting with Mrs. Band Teacher is going on. Kimo is on one of the spare dining room chairs and is "attending" (looks more like she's trying to doze through class to me). She puts up with this stuff because it's Middle hauling her into it, and she has annexed Middle as her own.

Middle: Kimo is taking up all the space in the meeting! I can't even see me anymore.

Youngest (from kitchen): I can kind of see you.

I opted not to point out that Youngest is merely in the next room; of course she can see her twin.

Middle: Kimo, you took all my head space! You're so cute.


Annnnnnnd...scene.