Thursday, January 29, 2015

Body Art

Yesterday, I noticed something odd as Small Fry's shirt rode up her belly.

Rule #2, people.
What in the world?

She explained she'd done this with the dry erase marker from my grocery list whiteboard.

I called her back over so I could take this picture. She tearfully begged me to not show the picture to Daddy, because she didn't want to get in trouble. I promised not to show him (which I didn't). I was pretty sure he'd see it soon enough.

And then I promptly forgot about it.

Until bath time tonight, which Hubby was supervising.

I remembered when I heard him shout.

The conversation went something like this:

Hubby: What is that?

Small Fry: A person.

Hubby: How'd it get there?

Small: Marker.

Hubby: From where?

Small: Downstairs.

That's about when he gave up and decided that he should follow Rule #2 and just finish her bath.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Rule #2...

Medium Fry: Mommy, I pretended to marry Kimo! And then I kissed him right on the lips!

Me: Oh yeah?

Medium: And for our honeymoon, we kissed again!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Overheard From The Kitchen

Hubby: Oops. I made a mistake.

Medium: I'll eat it.


Large: Are you going to make what I'm talking about?

Hubby: No, because I have no idea what you're talking about.

Large: Why not?

Hubby: Because I don't understand your mind. It's scary in there.


Small: You have weird children!

Hubby: Uh-huh. Yes. I do.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Late Breaking News: A Short Photo Essay

Kimo does not like snow.
"What fresh hell is THIS?"

Nope, do not like the way this wet white stuff feels on my toes.

For the love of Pete, let me back in!


I have a borderline migraine, so I've been laying low all day.

This was complicated by the fact that we got four inches of snow today, and so the kids were sent home early when only half that amount had fallen.

Large came home saying that she had felt carsick on the bus. No surprise there. The bus was probably warm, the skies were gray, it was snowing, and she doesn't sit in the very first row of the bus. I told her to go rest for awhile before starting on her homework.

Hubby came home and promptly went out to snowblow the driveway and sidewalks.

I dragged myself out of the nice, dark den and into the kitchen to hunt down ideas for dinner so Hubby wouldn't have to when he came in. I found a couple boxes of Hamburger Helper-type stuff and started that.

Medium came into the kitchen to see what I was doing.

And then the inquisition began.

Medium: Mommy, is there such a person as Mother Nature?

I thought for a moment.

Me: Well, yes and no.

Medium: What does that mean?

Me: No, Mother Nature isn't a person. But that's how a lot of people talk about the changing seasons and weather and stuff like that.

Medium [boisterously]: It should be Father Nature, since God is our father! He made everything, so that's why it should be Father Nature!

Me [groaning inwardly]: Actually, people talk about Mother Nature and Father Time.

Medium [apparently sensing that further inquisition will not go over well]: Oh. Well, I'm not going to ask about that because it would be annoying.

Me: Not annoying, honey. But my head hurts a lot, and it would be too hard for me to explain it right now.

Medium: You know what I like best about us?

Me: What?

Medium: We're annoying!

Monday, January 12, 2015

Well. My Day is Complete. I Have Incited Tears.

We had a snow day today.

Actually, that's a misnomer. We had an ice day today.

Given all the sleet and freezing rain, I was relieved when the two-hour delay turned into no school. I loathe two-hour delays, because they always end with everybody being cranky.

The kids have been remarkably well-behaved today, and I haven't needed to play referee too much.

The biggest spat occurred right after 7p.

I heard shouting, followed by, "I'm telling!"

Scene: Den

Small Fry: Mommy, I was watching Sofia the First and then Medium changed it, and then she didn't change it back!

Medium Fry: Nuh-uh! I just wanted to see if 7Ds was on, and it wasn't, so I went back to 49! And I wanted to watch Liv and Maddie, not Sofia the First!

Me: But was the TV on channel 49 to begin with?

Small: No!

Medium: Yes!

Me: What show was on before Medium changed it to check if 7Ds was on, Small?

Small: Sofia the First!

Me: Medium, is that right?

Medium: I was just wanting to check—

Me: What show was on?

Medium: Mickey Mouse?

Me: Large, come down here please!

She bounded down the stairs and into the den.

Me: Large, what show was on the TV before Medium changed it to see if 7Ds was on?

Large Fry: 49.

Me [migraine salute]: Not what channel. What show was on the TV?

Large: I think Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

Well. Fabulous. I have been given three different shows.

I called up the onscreen guide on the den TV. Sure enough, Liv and Maddie was on the Disney Channel, and Sofia was on Disney Junior, which was pretty much exactly what I expected. However, since the onscreen guide won't tell me what was airing during the 6:30 timeslot, hello,

And we have an answer. The upstairs TV was definitely on Disney Junior.

With that, I rendered judgment.

Me: Okay. The TV was on Disney Junior, so that's where it stays. You two may go.

Small and Large left the room.

I eyeballed Medium, whose glare was not quite defiant but definitely irked.

Me: If you would like to watch TV, you may go upstairs and watch nicely with your sisters. You'll have to watch what they're watching. If you don't want to do that, then you can find something else to do.

Medium: But I want to watch TV!

Me: You can. You just have to watch what your sisters are watching.

Medium: I don't like that! It's booooring!

Me: Then find something else to do. There's lots to do. You could read a book, you could draw...

Medium: I don't think that drawing is for me!

Me [surprised]: What about sketching? You like sketching.

Medium: I've run out of things to sketch.

Me: There's lots of things you could sketch. You could sketch Kimo.

Medium: I already did him.

Me: You could sketch him again.

Medium: I already know how he looks in sketching.

Me: Then find something else to do.

Medium: I wanted to play my Leapster, but I can't find it.

Me: The last place I saw it was the Put Away Box. If you didn't put it in the drawer downstairs where it belongs, that's too bad.

Medium: I had it up in my room before, but now it's not there.

Me: It doesn't belong in your room.

Medium: But I don't know where it is.

Me: That's because you didn't put it back where it belongs.

And that's when she slunk off downstairs and I heard muffled tears.

Well, hooray. Score one for Mom tonight.

It didn't take more than 15 minutes, though, before she had found a way to play with her sisters again.

That doesn't mean I'm not relieved that it's now bedtime, though.