Things you don't want to hear Large Fry say

"Auntie J, I have an apple up my nose. Get it."

Now, I knew this wasn't possible...we don't have any apples in the house.

I also knew that Large Fry had been downstairs for all of two minutes by herself while I tried to get the twin Fries to cooperate and come down the stairs for breakfast as well.

Large Fry was sitting nicely at the table, and I didn't think anything of it until she started digging at her nose again, and telling me a second time that she had an "apple" up there.

I tipped her head back and peered up her left nostril. Okay, something looked out of place there. I grabbed the flashlight that was (thankfully) nearby on the counter and looked again.

Not an apple, although I could see how she might think that.

It was a popcorn kernel.

Hubby and I had had an in-house date night on Saturday, watching a movie and having some popcorn. Apparently, a mostly-unpopped kernel had escaped notice. And Large Fry thought it would be a grand idea to stick it up her nose.

I call up the stairs to Hubby that we've got a problem. He brings down a bulb syringe, which is about as ineffective as I figured it would be. My next call is to the pediatrician.

I explain our little situation to the receptionist, who puts me on hold. She comes back and tells me that the docs will TRY to get it out, but they don't necessarily have the specialized equipment that, say, the ER would have. And when she tells me the soonest she can get me in is 3:10 this afternoon...I get Large Fry dressed, and since Hubby is more dressed than I am, he calls his boss and explains we've got to take Large Fry in to see someone, and they head off to the ER. I fix breakfast for the twins.

After half an hour or so, Hubby calls. "They can't get it. They're calling in an ear, nose and throat guy." Okay then.

Another half hour or so goes by, and Hubby calls again. "Good news and bad news," he says. "Good news: we're coming home now. Bad news: it's not out."

"It's not out?"

"It's not out. And more good news: they got her an appointment with an ENT, who's probably seen this a million times, this afternoon. Bad news: they don't take her insurance. So it's going to cost us $75 just to be seen, and they'll bill us for the rest."

Hubby and Large Fry get home, and he tells me one last important fact. "We need to be sure we tell Dr. Chang that they did put cocaine in her nose."

Wait, what? "So my little girl is high?"

"They said she's too young to feel the effects," he says. "But because it constricts the nose...they put a couple liquid drops of cocaine in there to try to help get it out."

Learn something new every day.

The ER doc decided, apparently, that since he'd gotten Large Fry in to see the ENT today, and he couldn't work a miracle with his magic paper clip, he wasn't going to try to mess around with the popcorn kernel any more. It's still in her nose, but one wrong move could shove it into her sinus cavity, so he'd rather let the specialist handle it.

It's going to be a fun day!