How Do These Conversations Keep Happening in My House?

This quite literally just happened.

Middle: Hey, Mom? I've got a question. Can I eat cat food?

I gave her my most baleful glance.

Middle: Don't look at me that way.

I kept looking at her that way.

Middle: I'm just asking!

Me: Do not eat the cat food.

Middle: Well, it looks good...

Me [still looking mildly perturbed]: Cat food is not for you.

Middle: And I wondered if it would be okay for me to eat.

Me: It does not look good. Don't eat it.

Middle: But they can eat it.

Me: It's balanced for their systems, not yours. That kind of crude protein isn't good for you.

Middle: I didn't eat it!

At this point, I figured she protested too much. Pretty sure my expression said so.

Middle: Okay, I ate one piece, and it tasted like ham.

Cue my expression being more powerful than words.

Middle: It was an accident!

Me: It was not.

Middle: It was! It was an accident! My hand went like this--[she threw her arm up in the air next to her head]--and it just fell in my mouth.

There was nothing left to do here.

Me: Go to bed.

This kid.