Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Hernia Mesh Warning, Class V

I've got my earbuds in, working on aligning and syncing the captions I've typed out for a video (I do some interesting work, I tell you), and I've just finished unsnarling a particularly hairy spot where the speaker is talking rapidly enough that I have to adjust the caption groups so that the words on screen aren't flying by at too fast of a rate.

That's when Middle bounces into the room, where Hubby is sitting on the couch, watching a silly video on Facebook involving pants.

Middle: Daddy, are these bad words? S-E-X and S-E-X-Y?

Hubby: Do you know what they mean?

Middle: Well, I think the second one is kind of like Hannah Montana. She got too sexy.

Hubby: Do you know what sex is?

Middle: I think it's when you're sort of bad-ish.

I slapped a hand over my mouth, trying desperately not to laugh out loud, keeping the video on pause.

Hubby: Noooo...

Middle: Why don't you use your phone?

I turned my face into my elbow and hoped that would muffle my laughter.

Hubby: I don't need to use my phone. I know what it is. ... Are you hearing these words at school?

Middle: I'm seeing them in word searches and stuff.

Hubby: Oh, you are?

Middle: Yeah, kid word searches. Sex and sexy are right there, at the bottom.

Hubby: Okay, well, they aren't bad words, but they're grown-up words. "Sexy" is when you think someone is really good looking, when you look at them and you think "Hubba hubba!" I think Mom is sexy. You'd have to ask her if she thinks I'm sexy.

Middle: Hey, Momma!

Me: Oh, no. I'm not getting into this conversation!

Middle: You can hear us?!

Me: Yup. Not getting into this.

Middle: Why not? You're the smartest one in this house!

Hubby (laughing): I'm not disputing it. There are some things I know more about than Mom , but not much. So I'm not disputing.

Middle: Some of the kids in class said there were bad words. Mr. S [her teacher] said they weren't bad words, they just weren't for kids.

Hubby: Can you pick up this couch?

Middle: No.

Hubby: Because it's too heavy for you, right? Just like you can't pick up the couch because it's too heavy for you, these words are too heavy for you, too. When you're older, we'll talk more about them. Okay?

Middle (nods): Hey, Dad, I'm gonna give you a word scramble. What's E-T-T-S?

This kid. She's going to be the death of us. If not from her brains, from her rapid-fire subject changes.