Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Reasons not to have abdominal surgery

1) You will feel like a failed magician's trick in the semi-waking hours immediately following surgery.

2) You will have weird, drug-induced dreams of conversations you will then only vaguely remember. If you actually had them at all.

3) You'll get a room on the pediatric floor with perpetually perky nurses.

4) You'll have nurses question you when you tell them what your pain level is, especially after your husband has informed them of your failing to normally admit when you're in pain.

5) You'll have the daunting realization that you're going to need a ladder to get into your own big ol' bed at home.

Reasons to have abdominal surgery:

1) The surgeon swears that he's fixed the problem. And it shouldn't bother you any more once you're all healed up.

2) The surgeon will tell you how "cool" one of those things he took out of you was, and you'll try not to laugh.

3) Your boss will send you gorgeous flowers (complete with a note that says, "Quit goofing off and get back to work!") and make your husband look bad, because he didn't buy you any.

4) The cats will be happy you're home.

5) You can see and talk to the Fries on Skype, thus making all of you feel better.

6) You get good drugs.

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