The Kidnapping of Steve Stringbean

Moooooooons ago, PBS in my area ran a show called Square One Television, which had the
surprising effect of making math entertaining. I can still sing the song about tessellations, as well as "Fantastic Number Nine," which I occasionally inflict on my children during multiplication practice. But I digress. My favorite part was the Mathnet segment that always came at the very end of the show ("To Cogitate and To Solve!"), patterned after the old Dragnet series.

All of this is only important to you in that the five-episode run one of one week's Mathnet that dealt with solving the kidnapping of a famous musician with perfect pitch named Steve Stringbean, and the subsequent later delight my father had when I mixed up the names Steve Stringbean and his very-real-life famous-counterpart Bruce Springsteen, the obvious source of Stringbean's name. And that I wished to share this tidbit of memory with you, because it gave me the title for this post, for reasons which I trust are going to become glaringly obvious by the end.

So. Tonight, at the dinner table...

Me: Middle, I recognize that you are a hoolibarian [this is, in fact, her own word], but when you're at my table, you're a person, and you'll use manners. Do not bend your head down almost to your plate and shovel in your food.

Middle [impish grin, knowing she's been caught in a frequent Mother Does Manners infraction]: (hums)

Youngest [apparently confused]: Can we do this? [demonstrates the exact behavior I had called Middle out for, but a lone single bite, as opposed to Middle's usual repeated inhaling of bites]

Me: No! That's the same thing! You make me despair of teaching you proper manners.

Youngest: But it was only one bite.

Me: It's still not polite. [look around] You should be grateful I'm not being picky about having your elbows on the table. [All of us were guilty. I just don't care about elbows that much when they're not sprawling.]

Oldest: When we were at Southern Church Camp, if we got caught with our elbows on the table, we had to sing a romance song to someone!

Middle and Youngest reacted with appropriate disgust.

Oldest: Or you had to run around the shed outside six times, while everybody watched, doing something silly! I never got caught.

Youngest: At Northwestern Church Camp, we didn't have to do anything like that. [NCC is the only place the twins have stayed at camp overnight.]

Oldest [with a wicked grin]: Maybe I should suggest that for Northwestern Church Camp!

I think Youngest actually growled.

Oldest: Mom, have you heard of a song "Can't Hurry Love"?

Me: Yes, I've heard of it.

I rather like it, in fact. I like a lot of music from that era, and I'm particularly fond of The Supremes.

Middle: What about that song Daddy sang for ShaNaNa's wedding? You know, to that guy? Lenny?

Me [drolly]: Your cousin Leonard?

Middle: Yeah, him! "Can't Help Falling in Love." That song. Do you like that song?

Me: Yes, I like that song, too.

Are you wondering where all this is going? Don't worry; the payoff is coming. I was having to keep up with the way the conversation was shifting, so be happy I've slimmed it down here.

Middle: Momma, which song do you like better? "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Parsley...

I sat there with a beatific smile and held my fork off to the side of my plate, still spearing a bite of spicy honey-glazed chicken.

Me: Elvis Parsley?

All three of the girls were giggling.

Middle: Presley! I guess I was thinking of VeggieTales or something, and so I said Elvis Parsn— Parsl— Parsley! Elvis Presley!


Dinner has been over for an hour, and I am still giggling over Elvis Parsley.

Who is probably a second cousin to Steve Stringbean, if we're honest.

Now, I never did answer Middle's question, which was also taken up by Oldest, as to whether I preferred the Elvis song or the Supremes', but they got so hooked on the Parsing of Presley that they never realized I didn't give them an answer.

But I'll tell you what I told Special Edition when I texted her about Parsley for dinner.

I like both songs. Which I prefer at any given time depends on my personal mood.

Bonus: I'll share my favorite cover of "Can't Help Falling in Love." It has a little special something for everyone.