My father's advice

Amazing home remedies that really work!

1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.*

 2. TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.**

 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.***

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.  IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.  IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Thanks, Dad.  Don't know what I'd do without your help.


*My mother just did this on Sunday.  Right after explaining to the Fries that Unca D lost the tip of his left index finger in a factory accident because he "wasn't careful."  With a serrated knife.  To cut a banana, of all things.  Five stitches, folks.

**Dad's helpful advice for Hubby in particular.

***I've got a nasty sinus infection going on right now, that's settled in my chest and giving me a nice hacking cough.