Hubby was still detained, and it would stay that way until he made it to trial or accepted a plea deal. I had met with Children & Youth Services the day of his arrest, and the social worker informed me that the only way I could keep my children was to not bail Hubby out of jail. (The only way he could be released was into my custody, and I would have to watch him 24/7 to make sure he did not reoffend.) That was an easy decision: he was the adult. He'd have to accept the consequences of his actions. My children were not losing another parent. I was not letting that happen. My children came first. I felt bad he was stuck in jail, but frankly that's where he belonged. His attorney wanted the names of people who might serve as custodians. I didn't have any. She also wanted names of people who could serve as character witnesses. How did I ask our friends to do that without explaining the entire mess? Hubby finally gave me a list of names he thought would be helpful and I let the attorney contact them.
Having met with Counselor K often enough, I was grateful that my current work schedule allowed me to keep up with our weekly appointments. I needed them. She was quick to point out that none of this was my fault, and logically I agreed. Getting my heart to accept it was a longer process. I'd known Hubby had a porn addiction since before we married. And addiction, Counselor K said, always wants more. It was the only explanation for what had happened. I knew he was using porn again. I just hadn't thought he'd sunk to this level of depravity. She gave me a book to read that helped me understand things and made me see myself in some of its pages. A tad unpleasant at times, and there were places I disagreed with it, but overall it was helpful. I also began working on the letter I would send to Hubby, telling him I was filing for divorce. No way was I having this conversation over the phone.
We kept our original summer plans to go on vacation to SeaTown with Special Edition and Mr. Nurse. Our next-door neighbors--who are good friends and now also knew of our situation--watched the cats for us. A college friend who found out about what was going on blessed us with fun money for the trip. We had a blast. We were even able to meet up with some other college friends of ours while on the trip and got to watch an air show from the beach.
When we returned, I worked my connections and got the name of a good divorce lawyer. My stomach churned as I realized I would have to wait until August to get the wheels turning. Patience is not something I'm good at.
July 27, 2021
My dear friend Netta also now knew about what had happened. She literally and figuratively wrapped me in her arms and held me through it. It was my twenty-fifth anniversary, and she determined that I was not going to spend it alone. We left the girls and Special Edition at the house and went out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. We quickly decided we needed to make getting together a monthly occurrence.
August 12, 2021
I sat in the conference room of the attorney's office and tried very hard not to cry. I failed pretty spectacularly. I knew I was there for all the right reasons, but here I was, preparing to end a marriage that I had thought was going to be a forty-year love story. I knew it was the right decision. Yet still I had to reach for the nearby tissue box.
The attorney came in. She was quite nice and waved away my apology at losing it before she even arrived. We sat and talked and I told my story. I imagine she's heard everything, but she still reacted at all the right places. She quoted a fair price for her retainer that still had me gasping inside and named an hourly rate. She explained this would likely take a year and a half to accomplish. Yuck. But my state requires that couples live apart for a minimum amount of time before a divorce can be settled, and we hadn't reached that yet. We'd only been separated since the end of April.
I went home and wrote the check for her retainer. I was not messing around with this.
I went home and wrote the check for her retainer. I was not messing around with this.
And then I put the finishing touches on the letter to Hubby...and mailed it out.
